16 yrs of drivers' license pics...

I love to do comparison pics...well today i got a new DL and i have kept my last 2 FL licenses since i moved here in 1996 and asked today if i could keep my expiring one too...she said yes and cut the license and let me keep the pic....

anyway, here are 4 pics from 1996 thru today showing how drastically JUST my face has changed over the last 16 years.....i have no idea what i weighed in 1996 when i moved here but i look pretty big in the face....

first 2 DLs



one i just "gave up" that was expiring


new one....


if i've said it once i've said it a million times...if you are doubting your progress or are disappointed with your loses to date just put old pictures next to new ones....you will SEE how far you have come....and that is more important than what the scale reads out when you step on it naked in your bathroom a million times....

Thinking & thinking & thinking....

many times toooo much thinking gets me in trouble....

i have never had any issues with anxiety or depression before but just thinking about "my list" is starting get me a bit nervous...i have an idea of what i need to get done before my surgery and then there is the list of what i WANT to get done...they dont always match you know....i just need to write it all down in order of importance and then that will be it....i need to get the kids party done and "over with" and then i'll feel better i think....i also have a list of stuff i want to BE done at the house while i'm home since i'm going to be there anyway....termite inspection and treatment, carpets cleaned upstairs, house either cleaned just before my surgery or while i'm home...i think i found a cheap recliner for the living room or bedroom depending on where i decide to be and will be checking it out and picking up hopefully this weekend....i'll get rid of it after if we dont want to keep it....i'm working out the drop off and pick up schedule for the kids and will definitely lean on friends and family to help mike out....luckily he has told his boss that i'm having surgery and he will be in late and/or leave early depending on what's up.....okay i feel a bit better writing it down....breathe denise, just breathe....

All that I do...

Started really thinking about all that I do between work and home (especially home) this morning. Don't get me wrong my husband does a lot to help out around the house and with the kids, but I do the majority and it is going to extremely obvious when I am down and out for a minimum of 10days (as I have set aside for now) after my surgery. That first weekend I hope I'm in such a drugged up state that I won't even be aware of anything going on around me. I just do not want to put my recovery in jeopardy because I "can't let" someone else do all the stuff I typically do. I will just have to sit or better yet, lie back and let things happen around me. I HAVE to so I can be back on my feet in a reasonable amount of time. Just need to keep reminding myself, I DON'T HAVE to do everything.

Why surgery??

i have been heavy most of my life and in jan 2008 after having my 2nd child i decided it was time to get the best me possible...i started eating right and working out and set a goal to drop from 253.8 to 199 in order to consult with a plastic surgeon about a tummy tuck...

my initial goal was do be at 199 by 12/31/08 WELL, i didnt actually hit onederland until 12/25/10...it took me just under 3 yrs to lose the initial 54lbs in order to make my appt...

i saw the surgeon who did my breast reduction (pd for by insurance in 2000) in jan 2011 at about 197lbs...i did not have a warm fuzzy feeling about him doing this surgery as he was trying to push scheduling it when i reached 185-190....my goal is to be in the 140-150 range at the "end" of my journey....i left his office feeling very deflated and set a new goal to reach the 170s by the summer and see another surgeon that a friend had used after 6 pregnancies for a tummy tuck....

i put that appt off even after i hit the mid 170s in july 2011.....i have been in the 170s since....in mid dec 2011 i made the 2nd consult appt for jan 2012 with the new surgeon...

my husband was laid off 3 days before christmas but i kept my appt anyway just to see what the new guy said....he was very excited about my loss (about 80lbs) and wanted to schedule the surgery then as he felt like i had done all the work on my stomach area that i could do....anyway, we didnt have the money, my husband didnt have a job and i just couldnt pull the trigger....i put it off and off and off....my hubby got a new job a few months later and i started thinking about it again....

in july 2012 i called and made the surgery appt for sept 21st....both kids have mid sept birthdays and i wanted to get past them but get it done in september still as my 40th bday is oct 13th....

this is my gift to myself...i have completely changed my life with healthy eating and a great workout ethic...i have struggled with the decision to spend about $8,000 of our savings on ME....

BUT decided i deserve this...this is something i have worked very hard for and we will make it work out....i'm going to get a 12month - 0% interest credit card from our bank and pay monthly for the next 11 months and have it paid off before it comes due and starts accumulating interest....i'll make the payment from what we have in our checking acct and if there isnt enough to cover the payment, i'll "borrow" from our savings....

my husband and my mom are both very worried about the "surgery and anesthesia" while i'm worried about how long i'll be "down"...i have a high threshold for pain but dont want to push it and delay recovery...

4 Weeks and Counting Down

well, the time has come or should i say is coming..

i am officially 4 weeks out from my tummy tuck surgery....

i can not believe that no only did i actually schedule it back in july BUT now it is only 4 weeks away....

i'm nervous...

i'm anxious...

i'm excited...

i'm soooo looking forward to how i will look and feel in the very near future...

it's just around the corner and i'm going to start using this blog to track my feelings up to and after my surgery....

this is my time to have the body i have wanted for so very long....


this is it...

here are 2 pics i took myself in june...i can't wait for the october and november and december pics and all the pictures in my future....  

Response to how did you start???

i got a message last week from a new friend asking how i got started on this journey; what were things like when i first started.
i sent her the following reply and then just now followed up with the 2nd reply because i feel like it is the most imporant part and i left it out before....

Reply #1
<<

What I can offer up is this:
1. make a plan with food and exercise. Make the actual appt with yourself to do your workouts and keep it.
2. Find an exercise or activity that you truly enjoy versus something that is just exercise. If you like a sport than find a team and join up. If you like to dance find a Zumba class or hip hop exercise class. If you like to be outside find a new trail to hike or bike or walk or run.
3. Start getting at least 8 cups of water each day and cut back on sugary drinks. Cut back on diet drinks if you have them.
4. Try very hard to get at least 8hrs of sleep each night.

The biggest thing for me is only give up or add things you can either live with or without forever. Meaning if you like pizza dont cut it out completely, limit it or make healthier choices instead. If you can't work out 7 days a week forever do not even try to keep up that kind of schedule.

Keep things fresh so you don't burn out.

Best of luck on your new journey. This new life is amazing once you get it going.>>>

Reply #2
I forgot to add one thing....

i know that we all measure our success based on how the scale moves especially in the beginning of our journey....it's just the "go to move" as far as progress....after doing this for almost five years i have finally come to realize that my progress and my success should not be measured by the scale ALONE...the scale should be the smallest part of how you measure your progress with the changes you are making for the rest of your life.....
how your clothes fit, how much further you are going on your walks, how much faster you are walking/running, how much more water you are drinking each day, how many more fruits and vegetables you are adding to your diet, how much more protein you are getting in your daily intake, how many inches you are losing ALL OVER, how many days a week you work out, how YOU FEEL....
these are what you should be focusing on especially from the start...these are the things that will keep you moving in the right direction...NEVER once have i put on a pair of pants or shorts that have been a little tighter and said well fuck it i'm gonna have a big mac today for lunch cause i have obviously gained a little - if you step on the scale and see up .5 or up 2.5 or whatever, you are more likely to feel that way though....
when you feel clothes that are little tighter you move your ass to make them feel/fit better....when i close my diary and see i've had a great food and workout day it makes me want the next day to be just as good...but getting on the scale and seeing whatever the movement, good or bad, can often times send you into a bad and not helpful spiral, even if there is a loss because you might have been expecting a greater loss and get pissed about that....

i know, i know, i know it is hard to not focus on the scale especially at the start, i just dont want you to focus too hard on it...that is the one thing i wish someone would have knocked into my head when i first started getting healthy....i did it to lose weight and ended up changing my life instead while losing weight along the way.....your focus has to be on ALL the other things, not just the lbs or Kg you are trying to lose....

best of luck to you,
Denise 

Success...even with a gain....

so we went to maine on vacation from 7/21-8/4 and i did some form of physical activity 9 of the 14 days we were there....i logged over 22 miles between running, walking, nature trails and hiking - even did some lake swimming too...my family was active this year more than any other year BUT of course i ate what i wanted within reason AND i logged all that i ate even if it was estimates or guesstimates based on what was available in the diary list.... anyway, i left for maine at around 176lbs and when i came back i peaked into the low 190s...i was angry and i was frustrated but honestly it didnt really bother me as much as it would have in the past....i know what i have to do now that i'm home and i'm doing it - eating cleaner, getting in my workouts and drinking my water (i slacked on that horribly on vacation)..... i'm back to 186 this am and i changed my ticker to reflect my gain...it was a "pissa" to see my lbs lost jump from 78lbs to 68lbs this morning but it is reality.... last night i was sorting through some old teacher resources in my garage and came across my class picture with my 4th graders for the yr 99-00....over the last 12yrs i have known my weight because i have made a conscious effort to "track" it with many efforts to lose weight...i know my highest ever was in sept 2005 at my son's 1st bday party at 263lbs....my "memory" of my body really only goes back to then (2005)... i had forgotten how big i was before i gained with meeting my husband and then having my kids.... anyway, this picture that i found last night compared to a family picture we took on our vacation a few weeks ago after climbing 1300+ft to the top of a mountain is proof that it doesnt matter that i gained weight over vacation or that i'm still holding onto it right now....what matters is that i have changed my life, i'm actually teary typing this - i climbed a freaking mountain (a small to medium sized one but a mountain all the same) and i brought my kids and my hubby along for the ride....this is what this journey has been about for me this time.... THIS IS MY LIFE...i want to be the healthiest mom, wife, daughter, sister, friend, WOMAN i can be.....